There is no polite way to break up with someone.

Yes, the cold, hard truth is, breaking up with someone is dirty business and – unless the relationship really wasn’t that serious – one of you is bound to end up looking like a mess. While there is no set in stone way of saying, “Hey, it’s over,” or “Sorry but I’m leaving you for your brother,” there are some more or less common sense rules to abide to

Break up face to face. I know it’s tempting to pick up your iPhone and send a quick “ITS OVER. C U,” at him, but if your relationship meant anything to you at all (or if, you know, you value being a decent human being) you at least owe him that much. Same goes for IMs, and emails. Oh and changing your Facebook status to “Single” before you tell him/instead of telling him is probably not the best way to go about it either. Take him somewhere. It doesn’t have to be romantic, but it does have to be private. Don’t break up with him in a room full of people unless you want to cause a scene. Plus it’s so humiliating when you’re forced to bawl your eyes out in front of total strangers – or worse, people you actually know. Trust me, I’ve been there. Bad times to drop the bomb on him? On his birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, at family parties, etc. You get the point.

Do it privately.

Timing is crucial.

Avoid cliches. “It’s not you, it’s me,” is so overdone and transparent. What it really means is, “It’s soo you” and everyone knows it. The most important rule of etiquette is to be honest, just not brutally honest (read: “I can’t stand the sight of you naked. It makes me want to hurl.”). Tell him how you feel, where it’s all coming from, why the relationship won’t work out, etc., and let him ask questions. Let out everything that you need to say and try to walk away from it with all your issues resolved.

Don’t ever suggest break-up sex (first).

Don’t tell him he’s not good enough.

Don’t say “I love you” unless you actually mean it. Don’t tell him you still love him because you think it’ll cushion the blow. It really doesn’t.

Don’t hook up/get caught with another guy too soon. He’s hurting and he needs time to heal – and the best way to do that is to think you’re hurting too. Flaunting your new boy toy around town will make you seem heartless and it will only break his even more.

I guess the main message here is to Be respectful – as respectful as you can, anyway. Remember that his heart and his dignity are at stake and, honestly, if your relationship was real, it deserves a real ending. Even if the relationship meant little to you, remember that he might feel completely different about it, so don’t be so quick to brush him off. You respected him enough to date him, now respect him enough to man up and end it with dignity.

Tags: boyfriend, break up etiquette, break up sex, break ups, breaking up, dating, drama, etiquette, ex boyfriend, girlfriend, how to break up with someone, love, miss manners, relationship, Relationship Advice, respect, rules

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 11th, 2009 at 1:31 pm and is filed under Latest, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.